Controlling the Behavior of Your Loved One with Alzheimer’s

Probably the most difficult aspect of dealing with someone with Alzheimer’s is coping with occasional physical aggression.

Understand that the person’s inability to communicate effectively causes frustration and resulting acting out. Keep things simple in both communication and environment, and that will probably diminish aggressive or angry conduct. Interestingly, it also appears that over-stimulation can generate an aggressive reaction. The best approach, again, is to keep life as simple as possible for the person. Unfamiliar events or surroundings can be very confusing and upsetting to a person with Alzheimer’s, and those feelings can result in a physical lashing-out.

Consider that when memory is lost, it is only immediate emotions that matter. Memory is no longer available to provide the individual with guidance as to what conduct is appropriate and what’s not. In a very literal sense, people with Alzheimer’s typically live in the moment. That’s all that matters. There is no sense of what happened 15 minutes ago or what is likely to happen 15 minutes hence.

How to Get Along with Your “Alzheimer’s Loved One

The key to caring for a loved one with Alzheimer’s is to learn to “go with the flow”. Because the brain functioning ability is greatly impaired, it is necessary to be simple. By that I mean that your loved one is unable to understand complicated directions, oral or visual, so focus on being straightforward, direct and simple. Give one instruction or request at a time. Further, understand that although Alzheimer’s patients have very short-term memory, they can and do learn routines. They find it very comforting and reassuring to know what to expect.  Accordingly, try to establish such a routine if possible. In other words, meals will be regular as will bed and nap times. Interestingly, a concern for a routine also applies to the person’s surroundings. Don’t change room colors or furniture location. Such changes can be quite confusing.

Dealing with a Loved One with Alzheimer’s Disease

There are a few tasks which are more difficult when dealing with a loved one with Alzheimer’s Disease while at the same time maintaining balance in one’s own life. As Alzheimer’s Disease progresses, the victim finds communication increasingly difficult. Further, personality is affected as well. They will become frustrated, sometimes angry, and occasionally physically aggressive. To say the least, this conduct will be extremely upsetting to you. Try to be patient. The anger, the frustration, is not directed at you. It is felt by that person who knows that things are changing within for the worse. Sometimes the anger is prompted by the person’s inability to communicate effectively. You can help by paying attention to non-verbal cues. If you raised children, think back to the times before your child started speaking – the wants, the needs, even the demands were expressed in non-verbal ways. To the extent that your loved one realizes that you are not only trying to understand him or her, but are actually doing so should have a calming effect. 

It is a natural reaction to think that you must devote every waking moment to caring for your loved one. But, that is an impossible task. You will certainly burn out before long if you do not set aside time for yourself. There are resources in the community such as respite care or adult daycare, etc., that will allow you to take a break from these responsibilities that you understandably feel so intensely. It truly is all right to feel selfish at times. If you are not, rest assured that you will shorten the time during which you are able to be of real help to your loved one. And it is highly likely that you will shorten your own life. Stress, indeed, does kill.