Don’t Change Your Will On Your Own!!!

Many people don’t understand that you cannot effectively change the terms of your will by simply crossing out language or adding new language and then adding your initials or your signature to your changes.

A change to a will, formally called a “codicil” or amendment, requires the same formalities that are necessary to make a will legally binding in the first place.

In practical terms what that means is a codicil must be prepared to change the terms of the will with necessary witness signatures and notarizations (if such is required where you signed your will). If that is not done, the amendments you desire will be considered null and void.

As an aside, if you need to change the terms of your will, please let me know. I can make sure that the codicil is done right.

Do You Have a Power of Attorney? Is it up-to-date?

A financial power of attorney is a document which allows someone else to act on your behalf if you are sick or out of the country. This power can be used to pay your bills and access your bank account, for instance. When you hear the term “attorney”, you probably think of a lawyer (also known as an attorney at law). The term actually means “representative” and the power of attorney document allows you to select people of your choice to make decisions for you. If you don’t have a “power of attorney” document and necessary financial decisions must be made when you are unable to make them yourself, your loved ones or others will need to go to court to have a guardian appointed. That will result in needless expense, aggravation and delay.

Medications and Their Effects on the Elderly

It is not commonly understood that medications have different effects when older people are the patients as opposed to younger people.

As we age, medications are often retained in the body for a longer period of time than when we were younger. The consequence is that if medications are not carefully prescribed and administered, there can be a buildup of medications which can have dangerous consequences for the person taking them.

Also, beware that painkillers themselves (opioids such as OxyContin in particular) can cause significant side effects such as balance problems which are more pronounced among older people because such things as balance are adversely affected as a person gets older independently of any drug intake.

In fact, the American Geriatric Society has published a list of drugs which people over the age of 65 should usually avoid. It’s called the Beers Criteria. Listed are such popular medications as Valium, Zanax and Ambien. Google “the Beers Criteria” for a full list.

Do You Need A Lawyer To Do Your Will?

No.

Maybe that’s a surprising answer coming from a lawyer. Whether it’s a good idea warrants a different response, however.

Sample Wills are readily available on the internet. But are they right for your circumstances? Do you have minor children or “special needs” offspring? Do you want to leave something to a niece or nephew? A so-called “simple will” would be a bad idea in each case.

A skilled lawyer’s most important role is not to prepare generic legal documents. Rather, it is to draft the right language for papers that are customized to your particular situation.

There’s another good reason to have a professional prepare your legal documents that’s usually not discussed, even by attorneys. Nobody’s perfect, of course. But if the lawyer messes up, your heirs can go against legal malpractice insurance (almost all of us have it). If the do-it-yourselfer” does it wrong, his family is out of luck.

Controlling the Behavior of Your Loved One with Alzheimer’s

Probably the most difficult aspect of dealing with someone with Alzheimer’s is coping with occasional physical aggression.

Understand that the person’s inability to communicate effectively causes frustration and resulting acting out. Keep things simple in both communication and environment, and that will probably diminish aggressive or angry conduct. Interestingly, it also appears that over-stimulation can generate an aggressive reaction. The best approach, again, is to keep life as simple as possible for the person. Unfamiliar events or surroundings can be very confusing and upsetting to a person with Alzheimer’s, and those feelings can result in a physical lashing-out.

Consider that when memory is lost, it is only immediate emotions that matter. Memory is no longer available to provide the individual with guidance as to what conduct is appropriate and what’s not. In a very literal sense, people with Alzheimer’s typically live in the moment. That’s all that matters. There is no sense of what happened 15 minutes ago or what is likely to happen 15 minutes hence.

How to Get Along with Your “Alzheimer’s Loved One

The key to caring for a loved one with Alzheimer’s is to learn to “go with the flow”. Because the brain functioning ability is greatly impaired, it is necessary to be simple. By that I mean that your loved one is unable to understand complicated directions, oral or visual, so focus on being straightforward, direct and simple. Give one instruction or request at a time. Further, understand that although Alzheimer’s patients have very short-term memory, they can and do learn routines. They find it very comforting and reassuring to know what to expect.  Accordingly, try to establish such a routine if possible. In other words, meals will be regular as will bed and nap times. Interestingly, a concern for a routine also applies to the person’s surroundings. Don’t change room colors or furniture location. Such changes can be quite confusing.

Dealing with a Loved One with Alzheimer’s Disease

There are a few tasks which are more difficult when dealing with a loved one with Alzheimer’s Disease while at the same time maintaining balance in one’s own life. As Alzheimer’s Disease progresses, the victim finds communication increasingly difficult. Further, personality is affected as well. They will become frustrated, sometimes angry, and occasionally physically aggressive. To say the least, this conduct will be extremely upsetting to you. Try to be patient. The anger, the frustration, is not directed at you. It is felt by that person who knows that things are changing within for the worse. Sometimes the anger is prompted by the person’s inability to communicate effectively. You can help by paying attention to non-verbal cues. If you raised children, think back to the times before your child started speaking – the wants, the needs, even the demands were expressed in non-verbal ways. To the extent that your loved one realizes that you are not only trying to understand him or her, but are actually doing so should have a calming effect. 

It is a natural reaction to think that you must devote every waking moment to caring for your loved one. But, that is an impossible task. You will certainly burn out before long if you do not set aside time for yourself. There are resources in the community such as respite care or adult daycare, etc., that will allow you to take a break from these responsibilities that you understandably feel so intensely. It truly is all right to feel selfish at times. If you are not, rest assured that you will shorten the time during which you are able to be of real help to your loved one. And it is highly likely that you will shorten your own life. Stress, indeed, does kill.